I often wonder (sometimes to myself, usually out loud) what became of my so-called artistic inclinations? I used to like to draw and color. I used to ditch homework, use the back pages of my notebooks, skip ‘important’ chores and just doodle away without a care in the world. I would go around the house, searching for scratch papers when I realize my notebooks were thinning already (I had to tear out the drawings; it wasn’t allowed in school then) and sometimes use my brother’s schoolbooks to doodle on. School books, yes, as in he had to go to school with girl drawings on the pages of science, haha. I remember being punched for that and scolded by the grown ups.

I didn’t mind then. I had to draw! That’s how much I love(d) doodling. It didn’t matter that my work bordered on abstract (haha but hey, I did figures pretty well) and that compared to Promil-kids mine sucked big time, but that was my world; they were all beautiful to me.

In art classes in school, we had to work on drawing pads, pastel, HB pencils, and kneaded erasers and we had formulas to follow. How to draw a vase. How to color this. How to make it appear as if you understood instructions. It wasn’t that my teacher was bad as an artist. He was good, actually, in fact he had that artist aura about him. It’s just that I didn’t learn that way. I hate being told how to hold pastels and paintbrushes. I hate being asked to demonstrate strokes to be checked. So unless I liked what was asked of me, I practically bombed the subject and got Bs.

Maybe that started it. I hate being technical when colors and art pads are concerned. Maybe I’m more of a diva than an artist, yathink?

I envy people who can wear paint and not care because they’re past the technical stage and can do as they please with their strokes and colors. Why can’t I be like that? Because I bombed the technicals! *light bulb*

*dimming light bulb* I’m reduced to this:

But you see, I love working on stuff like this. ❤

It’s too soon to say but I do hope I still have time to learn the techniques so I can throw them all away and say I’m an artist, anyway.

(on to a post about being a writer. Man, I like to be a lot of things, sheesh.)